Post titles are for even bigger pussies times 2.

So hey guess what? CHICKEN ASS, MOTHERFUCKER ON A PLANE SINGING THE THEME TUNE TO GENERAL HOSPITAL!

No seriously, seriously, seriously, seriously, seriously, seriously, seriously, seriously, seriously, seriously, I'm being REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY serious now, sorry about that. God I am so immature. Seriously now, guess what? That post below this one? You know? That one about the dumb hadron whatchamajigger sciencey thing? THAT WAS MY 10,000,000,000TH POST! MY MOTHEREFFIN' 10,000,000,000TH POST AND WHAT DO I DO? I SQUANDER THE more BLESSED than blessed EVENT TALKING ABOUT ELECTRONS AND A DUMBer EMPTY LIST OF NOTHING!!!!! MAN!! I AM SUCH A DUMMY! I could have had a 200th post celebration and everyone could have lavished me with gold and diamonds and other various GIFTWRAPPED PRESENTS WORTH CASH AND/OR CASH MONEY AND/OR SPONDOOLICKS!!!!!!!!!!

GAH x 100!

Oh well. There's always 11,000,000,000. Start saving, reader. Start saving now. I'm not even kidding. I'm kidding even less than that.

Okay, so you know how I said I finally got 100,000 votes last week in that utterly ridiculous poll over there on my right sidebar? Well, I think yesterday is the day I retire it for good. It's going to rule over poll heaven like God. So, before it leaves, I wanted to properly analyze the results in an extremely well-designed and not at all irrelevant pop-culture-texture filled pie chart:

[If I'd have made this diagram it would have had boobs in it]

I would like to take this opportunity to thank the [insert obscure reference here] of my reader base. Your honesty is more refreshing, more welcomed and very very very very very very very very greatly appreciated. And as for you fucking Richard Simmons liarheads, you'd better make sure your pants are not on fire, you dishonest con artists. Jesus. You totally know this blog of mine, in quantitative measure, is WAY WAY WAY WAY WAY WAY WAY WAY WAY WAY WAY WAY WAY WAY WAY WAY WAY WAY WAY WAY WAY WAY WAY WAY WAY WAY WAY WAY WAY WAY WAY WAY WAY WAY WAY WAY WAY WAY WAY WAY WAY WAY WAY WAY WAY WAY WAY WAY WAY WAY WAY WAY WAY WAY WAY WAY WAY WAY WAY WAY WAY WAY WAY WAY WAY WAY WAY WAY WAY WAY WAY WAY WAY WAY WAY WAY WAY WAY WAY WAY WAY WAY WAY WAY WAY WAY WAY WAY WAY WAY WAY WAY WAY WAY WAY WAY WAY WAY WAY WAY WAY WAY WAY WAY WAY WAY WAY WAY WAY WAY WAY WAY WAY WAY WAY WAY WAY WAY WAY WAY WAY WAY WAY WAY WAY WAY WAY WAY WAY WAY WAY WAY BETTER THAN JUST "SOME" BETTER THAN YOURS. I promise that sentence was grammatically correct. I'm certain. Shut up.


Also, I've been meaning to share this with you. Check out the card my 6900-year-old grandmother gave me for my three birthdays in July. THE BIRTHDAYS WHERE I TURNED NOT SEVEN YEARS OLD BUT THIRTY-ONE in the most amazing way you could ever imagine:

Well done, Grandma, well done.

It could only have been better had she inserted a two dollar bill or a piece of hard candy or something, and then shat in a policeman's helmet and fucked a pornstar in the ass and burned down an orphanage while screaming "This is real, motherfucker! THIS IS REAL!!!!!!".

I love (making fun of) old people more than I love being this awesome.

Lastly, I leave you with the least funny natural disaster analogy of all time:

Hurricane Ike : Texas coastline :: Ike Turner : Tina

(WHAT? It's not like I made jokes about 9/11! (you know who you are, you soulless human.))