The Treasure is in the Google with a cherry on top

I have stared at this dumber than dumb weblog pretty much all century long, desperately willing it to seep creative and hilarious and exciting energies into my very being. All for less than naught. Useless piece of shitter than shit shit..

In fact, my fine blog purveyor reader people innernet friends (of whom I have about nine hundred thousand million), I do have some post ideas stirring around these gianter empty noggins of mine, but, alas, they require me to be at home for research purposes. Okay, okay, fine - by "be at home" I mean "look at amateur porn" and by "research" I mean "masturbation." Whatever. Semantics. Leave me alone - Twice.

Anyway. If you're anything like me you love the posts people do about what search terms led visitors to their blog. What's that? You don't love those? Whatever, you big fat pinocchio. You do, too. Don't even front, homeslice. - This section in bold for excellence purposes.

So, here's a special edition of "People Are Fucking Weird And Bring Me So Much Joy," otherwise known as, "You Are Precious To Me, Dear Google, Especially On Slow Blog Days When I Can't Think Of Anything Else To Write About."



We start with some pretty innocuous searches - the most common search term so far leading dozens and dozens of people to my blog? Snoop Dogg Jokes. Apparently people love them some sweet, sweet Snoop Dogg jokes. Who knew they were in such demand? If my Google search statistics are any indicator, you should be breaking out your finest Snoop Dogg joke in the company of friends, colleagues, strangers, pretty much anyone. People in elevators. Those old fucks at senior citizen centers. Weddings, funerals. I'm tellin' ya, always have a fresh Snoop Dogg joke handy - everyone loves them! Except for that one person who searched don't get the snoop dog joke. Poor guy. Sorry, man.

Let's move on. We then have the searches that make me cry myself to sleep sometimes. I hate the people who searched for the following and found my blog: i have no life blog; totally crap; you suck. Yeah, well, you suck, too, dipshit. How about you fuck off and stop searching for dumb phrases?

We then have a series of weird as hell searches that are not even categorizable. Yes, that's a real word, shut it. From what I can gather, I'm assuming these searches come from one of the following types of people: a) those who have just learned the English language b) those who have been raised by wolves (and/or coyotes and/or hyenas) or c) those who are eight years old. Included in this rare genre are: minus one day 26 i want you exclusive; didn't know about black people; moonbabies daterange:2454705-2454706; what should be the passion for a statistician?; cute pictuers of kitens; pickturs of puppies; caption solver- do my 'ice' d-c---- me; how to figure out what bread your cat is. God love you all, you damn retards. And btw, your cat is rye.

Then we move on to another concern of the innernet Google searcher peoples. Apparently I am the official go-to source for how much weight a person can gain in a limited amount of time. Awesome. Really. We have here: how to gain lots of pounds; is it possible to gain 3 pounds in one day; is it possible to gain 34 pounds in one month; possible to gain 25 pounds in one month. How about is it possible for you to stop making me feel like a giant whale? Thanks in advance. Sheesh.

And last but not least there are the good ol' fashioned perverts. I welcome any and all perverts, and by whichever way you come, welcome, welcome to my blog, dear sex weirdo. You may have come from one of these fine searches: trusty vibrator; whats better then craigslist to find sex?; sex with sig hansen; rumpelstiltskin porn; olympic visible bulges; literotica phone sex; jizzy handjobs; black 70s sitcom fat kid red beret (hey, no judgment here, man, whatever creams your twinkie); daddy daughter incest fantasy; take off your pantyhose; isabella soprano rare pictures; isabella soprano in blue sweater; isabella soprano anal sex at moonlight bunny ranch. All right, all right, those last three may have been my own searches. Shut up.

Okay, and now I leave you with a comment I only discovered a little while ago. I don't get comments sent to me via email, so if someone happens to comment on an old post, I only sometimes stumble upon it. You know, when I'm, like, visiting my archives, reliving glories past while softly weeping tears of loneliness and petting my cat. Yeah. Anyway. So, the other day I come across this comment on my post with the open love letter to Sig Hansen:

OK Flawless, You and I are definatly kindred sisters, cause Sig and the boys are the bomb, but did you ever stop to think that this man has a family? He clearly is in love with his beautiful wife!I think that is all part of the appeal. I for one would love to find my own Captain not steal somone elses. While I totally get where you're comming from and do tune in religiosly. I find it rude to both the men and their wifes that the 'lady' fans of this show are so lewd in their admiration. I can only imagine how hard it was to be married to these men and just be seperated from them for months at a time proir to this show... add to that the fact that they must be mobbed in public and be made to watch all the crazy and dangerous things these men do every day. You may want Sig for some fun, but Mrs. Hanson has him for life. Put yourself in her shoes... I am sure she has enough reasons to worry every time he walks out the door, I don't think you would like women talking to your man like that if you were in her shoes!
As for you Sig, I sincerely hope that you know not all your female fans want a 'piece' of you, and I hope you will not let silly females who cannot control their hormones deter you from continuing on with your show. I am a huge fan and find you attractive as a person because of you genuine nature, your sense of humor, your honesty, integrity, and your steller work ethic. God doesn't built a lot of men these days like you and your boys! Godspeed, and good fishin'
gsroper1979yahoo

I think gsroper1979yahoo should change their name to takingeverythingIreadontheinternetseriously1979yahoo.

Gloriouser.